I couldn’t move. Every part of my body was limp and heavy, my bones broken. My cheeks were damp with tears and my clothes stained red. It was dark and I had no idea where I was. All I was aware of was the searing pain in my chest and the two dark eyes watching me from the shadows. The fear, oh how I was afraid. Scared shitless. I still couldn’t move. I tried and tried, I pleaded for my legs to work with me and let me stand. To run. But no, they wouldn’t listen. I lie still on the cold forest floor.

For the longest time I lie there. Wishing I were anywhere but there. Wishing those eyes weren’t watching me so intensely. Wishing I could move or scream. But all I could do was cry. 

Something grabbed my hair, yanking on it. Something metal and sharp was pressed against my throat. I choked out “Please don’t do this! Please!” and I tried to kick and punch and grab whatever I could but to no prevail. Whoever was doing this held me down firmly. They shouted, but I heard nothing. They were going to kill me, I knew it. My whole body knew it. It screamed and ached. 

A flash of light and my breathing ceased. My eyes flickered open and I was floating. Floating. Where was I going? I looked around, up, down and all I saw was a strange face with pale skin and light, messed up hair. No, I wasn’t floating. I was being carried. By who? Who was this? Where was he taking me? I cried and thrust about. I shouted, yet nothing happened. The man ignored my inquiries and pressed on.

For the shortest amount of time I was air-born. Until I met a hard cement. Everything was bright. Too bright. Fuzzy. I was dazed and exhausted.

“Danielle.” 

I shook my head and squirmed at little at her fingers brushing against my cheek, “No!”

“DANIELLE!”

“Who are you?!” I shouted, my eyes snapping open at Jaclyn towering over me. I gulped and sat up straight, shaking off the fear. The dream that had felt so real. But it was just like all the other dreams I’d had. 

“Danielle? Are you okay?” She whispered, taking a seat next to be on the small twin bed. She put her hand on mine and squeezed, the worry spread across her face as plain as day. Her hazel eyes were set on me, taking in every one of my movements, my expression. 

“Jaclyn…” I sobbed, burying my face in her shoulder, “The nightmare… it’s back…” 

She held me close and tight, kissing my forehead, “It’s okay, Danielle… it’ll be okay… how about we eat out this morning? Want to go to that diner down the street you love?”

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and nodded, putting on a fake little smile. I haven’t been able to hold a real smile for a long time. At least, not since the day I woke up in the hospital, not knowing who I was or where I was. That had been about 10 months ago. I still remembered very little. Jaclyn barely told me anything. Nothing I could trust or believe, that is.

Jaclyn

The nightmares were coming back again. Which meant more pills. I sighed and merely glanced over at Danielle, who was focusing intently at something out the window. She always stared out the window during a drive to think about things. Poor Danielle. I felt sorry for her, really. She’s had a rough past. But thanks to me, it was over now and she was happy. 

We pulled into the parking lot of Maria’s diner, a fairly large place on the corner of the Wal-Mart shopping center with its exterior painted brown and its interior dimly lit with orange tinted lights. Danielle found a table at the back to sit at. 

“Danielle, you okay?” 

She nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“You’ve been… well, off since you got home yesterday… did something happen?” 

Her skin grew a shade lighter and she shifted her gaze out the window, “No. I’m fine.” 

She was lying. Something happened. That much I could see, but I knew she wouldn’t tell me anything. She never said much. She’d been more introverted ever since I brought her home from the hospital. I don’t like to think about it.

“Okay, Danielle, you know you can always talk to me…” The line was so cliché, but true and she needed to know that. 

She sighed, “I know. You say that every day.” 

The waiter, a fair woman in her mid-thirties with a blonde pony-tail and smeared mascara finally waited us and Danielle ordered the usual – chicken salad sandwich with a side of onion rings. I ordered a small bowl of chicken noodle soup. 

We ate in silence, like always. She preferred it and so did I. Talking to her made me feel awkward and guilty. Even more so that I could never get her to forgive me because she didn’t even know what I’d done. 

“I’m going to the bathroom.” She said, standing up while her chair squeaked against the wooden flooring of the diner. All the chairs here did. Years of wear had rendered them useless and weak, but the woman who owned the joint ( granddaughter of Maria ) was a penny-pincher and refused to buy new chairs or tables until the former ones broke beyond repair. That woman always annoyed me. I was poor and I wasn’t even that much of a cheapskate. 

“Alright.” I said, watching her amble to the bathroom. 

An odd feeling washed over me in that instant. An odd yet familiar feeling. One I hadn’t felt for a long time. 

He’s here. 

I looked around. Nothing. Just an old couple fighting in the corner table. Turn. There he was. Just stepped in the diner, his eyes darting around, searching. He was here for her, no doubt. He couldn’t take her! I wouldn’t let him ruin her again! I tried to duck out of view, but he caught me and was heading my way. 

“Jaclyn.” He whispered once he was in arm’s length of the table. His clothes were dirty and raggedy, his hair now long, dark and mangled. His eyes, once full of life, now empty and dark. Like his heart.

“Chris, why are you here?” I growled, avoiding his gaze. I had to make him leave before Danielle came back.

“We need to talk.” He muttered coldly, his eyes fixed on me. 

“You need to leave before she sees you.”

“Please talk to me. I’m sorry for everything. That’s why I’m here. I just have some questions.” I remained silent, still staring at my empty bowl on the table. It was his fault. Everything. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, he deserved torture. The memories were unburying themselves within me, my veins boiling with the rage. 

“Jaclyn… meet me at the docks tonight at 9… I won’t force you to but I need your help… please…” He stood there, waiting awkwardly for my reply. I just looked at him. A few silent moments passed before he nodded, finally getting the hint, and left the diner.

Suddenly I felt so alone and cold. Helpless, unsafe. Some things never change, I guess.

Chris

To the edge of Meldridge, I remembered from when I still lived in this town with Danielle a year ago, was a bunch of abandoned warehouses, an abandoned shipyard and docks. The place was foreclosed several years ago and was just left to decay and rot on its own. Nobody ever took over. Nowadays, hobos live in the shipyard, and all the warehouses are padlocked, except one, which a group of people have taken over, whom I suspected to be a gang. 

But on the dock in the shipyard, I waited. I paced. I sat. I talked to myself. Come on, Jaclyn. Surely you’ll find it in your heart to help me. Hours passed with no sign of her. 8:00… 8:30… 9:00… 9:30… 10:00.

“Why did you come back?” She hissed, finally stepping into view. She was still wearing what she wore at the diner earlier. Navy jeans and black shirt. Dark hair up in a sloppy pony tail. 

“For her forgiveness. I never meant to put her through what happened.”

“The best thing you can do now is leave and never come back. Your being here will stir up things and pain us all the more.” She glared at me coldly.

“She doesn’t even know me anymore. Why doesn’t she remember?” I stepped closer to her. I could detect the pain and fear in her eyes. That fear turned to anger as realization seeped in. 

“When and where did she see you? WHAT DID YOU TELL HER?!” She shouted, her eyes moist and her voice trembling. I wanted to hug her and tell her it’d be okay and that I would leave. All I was doing was unburying lost pain here. Danielle didn’t know me. I was nothing without her. 

“I told her nothing. I asked if she remembered me and she said no and then she left. That was all.” 

She didn’t remember me, but she recognized me, just didn’t know from where. I saw it in her eyes. 

There was silence. I fidgeted. The anger in her eyes died down and the air was heavy. Both our minds replayed images from the past. Mine more violent and my heart breaking all over again, burdened with the truth.

“Tell me what happened. Why doesn’t she know?”

Jaclyn sighed, “The last time I saw you… the day you and that man dropped Danielle at my doorstep, I saw it in your eyes. Your pain. You asked me to take care of her. You also left a letter with me to give to her when she woke. You said you’d be back soon. I knew if you really cared, you’d find a way back. Days passed. She remembered nothing when she woke up. I hid the letter so she wouldn’t read it. You never came back. I was angry at you for that, yet glad. I hated you for what you’d caused.

“Danielle went insane, Chris. She didn’t know who she was. I told her she dropped out of high school in 9th grade, she’d never had a boyfriend and that she had been in a car accident. She talked to herself, or to some unseen being in the room with her. It freaked me out. Sometimes she’d curl up on the floor and cry for hours and hours. Sometimes she went rigid and I wouldn’t be able to wake her up. Her heart would almost stop and her breath was very faint. She would lose herself in thought and ignored everything around her. It scared me half to death.

“I don’t know what the hell you guys did to her to wipe her memory, but I despised you for that. You shouldn’t have come. We’re fine now… but she might remember something if she sees you. If she does, I’m scared of what she’ll do. That’s why you must leave. It’s too late now.”

“Jaclyn I tried to come back, but I couldn’t. I can’t tell you what happened right now, but I will explain one day. You have to trust me, though. I had no control over anything. I love her. I would never hurt her.”

“Then go.” She growled darkly and I flinched. I knew it was the best thing to do, but I knew I couldn’t. Jaclyn took one long look at me before turning around and disappearing back into the shadows. I spent a few moments in silence before following the sidewalk past the warehouses and lake to the chain link fence and gate. There were three padlocks on it. I learned how to pick locks at a young age, but I preferred climbing fences.

I headed back to the park, avoiding the patrolling police, and I curled up under our old oak tree.

“Baby, what is wrong?” I asked, wiping the hair out of her face. More tears slipped down her cheeks. 

“I… I… do you love me?” She turned to face me. Her eyes were shiny and green, welling over. Her skin so pale and soft. So beautiful.

“Of course. You know I do, Danielle.” I wiped the tears from her face and leaned in to kiss her, but she turned away. A gesture so small, so simple, yet with such a hurtful impact on me.

“Then why are you cheating on me?” She whispered, burying her face in her hands. My heart fell. 

“What! Honey, I’d never cheat on you!” 

She glared at me and thrust a tiny paper at me. It landed on my shoe and I picked it up cautiously and read it. 

When will I see you again, honey? I had fun. Love you.

“That was in your jacket pocket. It fell out when I put your jacket on.” She buried her face in her hands again, sobbing. My heart was aching. I couldn’t take this.

“Babe, that’s from my mom. I took her to the movies the other day for her birthday.” 

Liar!

She looked up at me then, wanting to believe me, yet unsure if she did. She shouldn’t. I was a liar and a fake. It was wrong. I should’ve told the truth and faced the pain, but I remained silent as she smiled and finally kissed me. Her kiss, even though it made my lips tingle and it warmed me inside, fueled my guilt. I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve her. She didn’t deserve this. I had to fix it. But she must never know.

“I love you, Danielle.”

“I love you too.” She’d said, curling up in my lap.